Our Female Private Investigators Weigh In on How to Support Someone in an Abusive Relationship
California private investigators see the aftermath of abuse all too often. Abuse of all kinds may play a part in some of the most common types of investigations we handle including locating missing persons and child custody investigations in L.A. Private investigators in places like Long Beach, Malibu and Santa Monica become adept at spotting abuse and what it looks like even when victims are unwilling to talk about it or admit that it’s happening. Kinsey Investigations is a Los Angeles private detective agency with decades of experience in surveillance operations and all sorts of private investigations services that may involve one or more kinds of abuse. In any case where one of our private investigators witnesses a child in danger, we take action immediately, either contacting the child’s parent(s) or the proper authorities. However, when the victim of the abuse is an adult, beyond the services that our female private investigators have been hired to carry out, there’s often little we can do to support them. The people who can help are usually the loving friends and family who are already a part of their lives, and we have some advice from what we’ve learned over the years for anyone who wants to be a lifeline for their loved one suffering abuse.
Los Angeles Private Investigators See the Aftermath of Abuse
Finding out that someone you love is being abused can feel like a real gut-punch. Many people find they can forgive someone who has hurt them far easier than someone who has hurt a beloved friend or family member. In cases of child abuse or physical neglect or endangerment, any responsible adult must act immediately to protect the child, but when the person suffering abuse is an adult, their friends and family may feel a lot more unsure about how to support them. At Kinsey Investigations, we’re proud to help people who have lived through abuse find the means and the courage to bring their abusers to justice, but we’ve also learned a great deal about what friends and family can do to offer support when an adult loved one is still living in an abusive situation. Whether abuse is verbal or physical, involves intimidation, isolation or any number of other psychological aspects, one of the most important lifelines that can ultimately help someone leave their abuser may be the loving support they receive from friends and family.
If you just found out someone you love is being abused, you’re probably feeling several things including anger at the person abusing them, fear for your loved one’s wellbeing, and perhaps confusion about how the situation became the way it is and why they aren’t taking steps to distance themself from their abuser. Looking in from the outside, it’s easy to say that the person being abused should “get themselves out,” but if there’s anything our female private investigators have learned over the years, it’s that so many factors can make it a lot more complicated. Intimidation and threats, financial dependence, and low self esteem are just a few of many factors that can make leaving an abuser feel difficult or impossible. And despite what you might think, sometimes, even calling the situation abusive or speaking negatively about the abusive person can backfire in several ways, actually decreasing the chances that your loved one will take your advice.
Kinsey Investigations‘ Best Advice for Supporting an Abused Friend or Family Member
At Kinsey Investigations, our female private detectives have found that the people who successfully leave abusive relationships often do so for one or both of the following reasons. They want to protect and benefit their children and/or they come to value their own wellbeing more than before and finally realize they deserve better. As a Los Angeles private investigations firm, we usually meet these people after they have done the work to realize this, but it can be hard for a person enduring any kind of abuse to make these mental leaps on their own, especially if whoever is mistreating them is also working hard to isolate them from outside influences.
To help someone you love find the determination to escape an abusive relationship, the best thing you can do is build up their self-esteem. Especially if they make excuses for their abuser or push back against the idea that they are even being abused, a more productive approach is letting them know that you care about them and that you are a safe person they can always reach out to. Instead of talking about the abuse or the abuser, spend your time and energy building up your loved one’s self-image. Remind them what a good person they are. Let them know how much you love them. If they are open to it, ask them questions about how they would want to be treated in their ideal relationship, but most importantly, tell them and show them that you will always be there for them.
It can feel incredibly frustrating and demoralizing to watch someone we love put up with cruel, controlling behavior from a person who is supposed to care about them. It’s not uncommon for many people to reach their limit in what they can stand to watch their loved one endure. A lot of abusers know this too and count on it to some extent to keep the person they’re controlling isolated from those who might encourage them to leave. If you can be the person who doesn’t walk away from your friend, if you can be the one they know will always be there, the one they can count on to pick up the phone if they call, you may well become the person they turn to when they are ready to make the necessary changes to save themselves.
