Recognizing Abuse: Tips from a Female Private Investigator
California private investigators encounter victims of domestic abuse all too often. Whether our direct clients, a witness in a case, or someone we meet through civil litigation support, the work of a Los Angeles private detective includes diving into the worlds of many clients and their families. And, as any L.A. private investigator can tell you, not all domestic situations are as supportive and caring as we would hope. While active verbal or physical mistreatment often come to mind, neglect is another form of abuse we encounter, both in terms of child custody cases and elder abuse investigations. Physical neglect of a child or vulnerable adult can be just as detrimental to a person’s health and wellbeing. While it’s often easy to recognize when a friend or loved one is being abused, experienced private detectives know that many victims struggle to recognize their own abusive situation. Learning about different kinds of abuse as well as common tactics abusers use to maintain control of their victims can help someone who is suffering come to terms with the reality of their situation and begin the process of finding freedom from it.
California Private Investigators Work with Victims of Abuse
No one knowingly enters into an abusive relationship. Abusers can be men and women, romantic partners, parents and other caregivers, or extended family. Some abusers are master manipulators, fully aware of the control and mistreatment they’re exercising against the other person. However, the broad spectrum of abusers stretches from malevolent psychopaths all the way to mentally and physically ill individuals suffering from severe personality disorders, dementia, and other debilitating conditions. Abusers closer to that first end of the spectrum often lure in those who become their victims with charming and flattering behavior before flipping a switch once they have the person adequately under their control. By contrast a person suffering from a mental health condition such as narcissistic or histrionic personality disorder may be so out of touch with reality that they don’t even realize their behavior is hurtful and destructive. Or, someone who has been primarily loving and kind their whole life may experience a gradual or sudden personality change as a result of a head injury, drug abuse, or even the beginnings of dementia. In these ways, it’s quite possible for a person who used to treat others well to turn cruel and abusive either as part of a strategic plot they’ve had from the beginning or due to a loss of mental capacity.
It can be hard to recognize and admit that you’ve slipped into an abusive relationship, especially if the person mistreating you is dealing with their own mental or physical challenges. Thinking like a private investigator can help. The important questions to ask yourself are whether the other person’s words and actions are persistently causing you harm and whether you have the power to make the abuse stop or leave the abusive situation. An adult child may recognize a new pattern of abusive behavior from an aging parent and be able to exercise control in that situation to have their mother or father evaluated by a physician for conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s. A doctor may be able to prescribe medication or recommend medical treatment that will reduce or extinguish the abusive behaviors. The same abusive treatment from a parent toward a young child, from one intimate partner to another, or from a manager to their employee could prove much more difficult or impossible to change. No matter the circumstances, recognizing the signs of abuse and taking steps to keep yourself and your family safe are vitally important to freeing yourself from an abusive situation.
Kinsey Investigations‘ Female Private Detectives Talk Tips for Recognizing Abuse
While anyone can have a few bad days or become more challenging to live with over a period of stressful months, a relationship becomes abusive when mistreatment becomes persistent or recurring over an extended period of time. The balance of power in the relationship is also important. When someone with more power (such a parent or anyone with greater control over finances or housing) begins mistreating someone with less power, the likelihood that the situation constitutes abuse increases.
California private investigators suggest to be on the lookout for any of the following to help you consider if you may be experiencing an abusive relationship.
Persistent Mistreatment – While disagreements and misunderstandings will happen occasionally in almost any interpersonal relationship, an abusive relationship involves ongoing mistreatment over time.
Controlling Behavior – Abusers will attempt to exercise more and more control in the relationship. This can show up as everything from demanding their victims dress a certain way to dictating who they’re allowed to communicate with, and when or if they’re allowed to leave the house. While not all abusive relationships escalate to this level, if you notice that someone is trying to exert control over your appearance, your schedule, your communication or other or other aspects of your day-to-day life, don’t dismiss it, especially if you realize the amount and the number of ways they’re trying to control you have increased over time.
Blame – Abusers often load blame onto their victims for anything that goes wrong. Whether part of a manipulation strategy or a symptom of a personality disorder, abusers will often find ways to blame their victims for unfortunate circumstances, for the abuser’s own mistakes, or even for the abuse itself. If someone with power over you constantly blames you, especially for circumstances outside of your control, understand that this is abuse.
Coercion – Abusers may try to coerce their victims to take actions they’re not comfortable with. Some examples include consuming drugs or alcohol, engaging in illegal behavior or even performing sexual acts. However, any time someone pressures you to do something you don’t want to do, even if it doesn’t seem as serious as any of these examples, consider how often the person has tried to push you beyond your boundaries or made unreasonable demands.
Intimidation and Threats – Because control is so important to abusers, they may resort to intimidating tactics including threats against you, your property, or your loved ones. Sometimes abusers threaten their victims when they sense they may be losing control of them, but they may also turn up intimidating or threatening tactics merely to establish their dominance in the relationship, making sure their victim is too afraid to ever challenge them.
Kinsey Investigations has worked with clients, law enforcement, and law offices on cases involving domestic abuse and other abusive situations. While L.A. private detectives have a lot of experience identifying abusive relationships, we understand that it’s not always so easy to realize when you find yourself in one. If you believe that someone may be abusing you, there are a number of places in California for you to turn to get help including the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800 799-SAFE and the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence which lists local organizations and resources across the state. You have the right to your own safety and the safety of your loved ones. Take it from one of the only woman-owned Los Angeles private detective agencies, no matter why someone has become abusive, you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
